No Cure

There is no cure for humanity.
There is no soul-searching,
Soul-splitting,
Spirit-awakening epiphany
That will unburden a heavy heart
Or wane painfully lengthened thoughts.

Some may escape plagues and cancers,
Some may dodge infectious wars and disasters;
Many survive on minimal knowledge and dubious answers,
But no one can evade humanity,
Not now,
Not ever.

Though one may have no disorders,
Diseases,
Or diagnosable inflictions,
There is still no cure for humanity,
And for this I am afflicted.

In spite of all the mountains I’ve scaled,
All the delicate misfortunes I’ve faced,
I cannot elude the human race
And for this alone I feel a terminal disgrace.

Save my own internal misery I’ve known no tyranny,
And before you I knew nothing of true tragedy.
I’m sorry,
I cannot fix humanity;
What exists in you also exists in me,
Exists in everybody.
There is hardly margin between us, you see,
Since we are all created equally.

Having emerged from wombs of common decree
We’ll be continually defined by humanity,
Perpetually confined by prewritten destiny,
Begrudgingly consumed in solemn anonymity,
Just singular beings among a great many,
Surviving lives of solitude as part of a whole:
Never apart,
Always alone,
Never autonomous,
Always condoned.

So I wonder,
And I wander,
As a fraction of a piece whose entirety is discreet.
For today, if only,
Offer to me the strength I need,
Lend me your perspective so I may see
A new shadow cast on this thing called humanity.
Something tells me this is all we need
To succeed for today with a little relief.

Kid

I am a child,
With only knowledge of the good in life.
I am a kid on a summer day,
And you, my Kool-aid.
You're every reason for me to stray and quench my thirst away,
But it's okay,
Tomorrow there will be more time to play.

I grow, I am a child,
This heart knows no ache for years to come my way;
I am a kid in a rowboat,
And you, my every rolling wake.
You're every pretty fish I wish to feel within my hands -
I know I can,
Despite the world's harshest demands.

I grow, I am a child,
Unsoiled by careless demeanor or anything bad;
I am a kid on a roller coaster,
And you, my Disney Land;
You're every tummy knot that I love to feel unwind,
So many times,
You're still every thrill I seek inside.

I grow, I am a child,
Overjoyed by the simplest things most forget to adore;
I am a kid with bubblegum,
And you, my candy store;
You're the sweet variety that tempts my tongue & steals my thoughts,
Don't think I forgot,
From you, that sugar high I got.

And I grow, I am a child,
Unweighted by a world that won't stop shaking;
I am a kid deep in sleep,
And you, my mound of blankies.
You're every dream I close my eyes to see when I am napping,
Warm and happy,
I'll continue this way if you'll only let me....

I'm a kid, with you,
I could never grow old,
And though I'm contented to keep this innocence around,
I think I'm ready to grow with you now.
For both our sake
We grow,
We remain,
We cultivate this timeless love to share
And grow with each day.

But Nothing Could Be Everything

you barraged my life softly, swiftly
like a seismic storm, undetected, deadly
the memory of the fall remains most piercing of all
like a suicidal tumble toward a concrete embrace
that we faced with a lover's conviction
then your suffering swept over me in tsunami waves
and suffocating from rabid heartbeats i did nothing
there was nothing i could do
courage seems a false friend
crawling on the floor for scraps
i was brave, you were confident
but there was nothing i could do
the arms that should absorb your pain
are petrified lumps of things
having once been worthy they now only serve to remind me
that destiny was never written or sealed
the notion is false, and unforgiving
my tears escape from a smoldering fire i know to be me
but only relatively
they, too, relieve nothing
but in this valley of darkened hopes and charcoal dreams
i recite vows to each and every thread that stitched your skin
in a newly found realism i claim forever
i sneak in open wounds and spread thin
in your veins, there is nothing i can do, save this:
forge myself unto you
to ravage fate, to boldly redecorate
our sanity depends on this escape from nothingness
i don't know how to let go
i cannot return to being a singular soul
i feel as if i failed you once, but never again
know me as yours, until i am cast aside
until the end, i will know you as mine

Mini Love Rant

Love is a crutch, a cancer, a cureall;
An emptying of the soul, a heart that overflows, a primal union of the both, love seems sublimely, vaguely predictable;
Love is natural, is blind, is beautifully cliche - trite but renewing and novel each day;
Love, a testament to everlasting time, a defiance to everything learned of life...Such wondrous things are happening inside.

A New Perspective: I am [In]Significant

August 11th, 2009

I did some much needed soul searching while wandering the shores of Ponte Vedra beach recently. Although I can't say I found my soul - or any hopeful convictions that there was one to find, whether previously or potentially - I did manage to salvage a small bit of enlightenment. Luckily I had pen, paper and some magnificent moonlight to capture the moment(s) of despair and confusion, and then, finally, the subsequent epiphany: these feelings are inevitable but not eternal. Funny how the ocean can make you feel so insignificant in the world, with its grandiose consumption of the horizon and the inescapable sound of crashing waves. I cherish that magnanimity.... Without nights like this, my problems - big and small - would surely amplify a deafening amount.

If courage would grace me
I’d break these cycles of ungrateful pity
And leave the comfort of my egocentric womb;
I’d shake these chains of antipathy
And finally proceed from my self-loathing tomb -
If only some angelic miracle would embrace me,
I'd walk until I reached the moon.
My anatomy could lose all encumbrance of the land,
But alas, I can’t even grasp a generous ray in my hand;
I could walk forever and never reach a thing.
No conclusion, no resolution,
Certainly no sense of direction,
Never a hint of depth perception to adorn my eyes,
All the while wondering how I was devoured alive-
Swallowed whole by longing,
Consumed in my entirety.
And even though it's merely temporary
I feel comfort in not belonging.
This world holds much more beauty
Than I could capture with a lifetime of writing.

Still forward now I coast closer to oblivion,
Each step providing another redundant blister;
Maybe that's all I'm meant to be is a drifter,
Morbidly drawn to the unknown repugnance
With no significance and nothing to offer,
No purpose or motives to alter,
Just an entity providing penned substance
Substantial to no one but me.
I just can't escape existence enough
To clasp a hand around the lunar cast,
And drown the sounds of the ocean with my ignorance;
Eluding these truths is not an option -
I truly could be meant for nothing.

Onward, I wander aimlessly,
Aiming for nothing unintentionally.
Such a painful rupture of this internal rift,
Flaunting the conclusions I drew on everything I knew;
All of them blinded, misguided, and hasty.
Now my pretentious shell lingers, though frail and unsteady,
But at last I grasped the insights I once thought petty.
I’d be wise to recognize this amnesty as a gift;
Desperation, helplessness:
Such shameful attributes I associated with.

My legs still alternate forward and backward,
Certainly less ominous than my awkward speculation.
There's a light in the distance I know to be my destination,
But it's dim, comparatively grim,
Barely visible unlike my moonlit familiarity.
So I trail my own shadow,
Tagging along with a hollow sincerity,
Matching its pace but not leading the way -
It makes me sick it's so cliché.
As I’m returning to a reality I often deemed unworthy
Each footstep is strenuous, forced, coaxed yet sturdy.
Side stepping
Criss crossing
I’ll prevent my feet from landing in the same predicted pattern.
My reach for a connection threatens my taciturn agenda
Far beyond what most simple minds can comprehend,
But my heart has recovered enough to offer simplicity amends;
Finally, I am fine in knowing that this is where it ends.